Love, Intimacy and Relationship cont...

How do we work with and through all of this?
 
It takes a conscious effort and commitment to do this work - especially once we are in relationships.

We need to get clear about our needs and boundaries, and find ways to express these in loving ways.
We need to be willing to listen and take responsibility and discover ways that we can let go of ancient hurts and resentments.
 
Both people need to be willing to be honest and show what hurts them and to see what they might be doing that hurts others.
We need to ‘own’ our own feelings and behaviours rather than make the other responsible for the way we feel. Integrity arises from the willingness to hang in there and deal with things as they arise.

In this way we are not focused on the past and indulging in it but are not in denial either.

A mature relationship will be able to contain both the persons need for space, without seeing it as abandonment, and their need for intimacy without seeing it as suffocation. Slowly this understanding can pave the way for love to go deeper. For depth there has to a soul agreement and commitment between couples to work together to create their life in an evolutionary way. And depth can be something that it is inclusive of both people needs in the relationship; whether that be a place of sensitive silence or passionate sexual surrender. As we heal and become more at home with ourselves we relate from a place of pure intention and a commitment to let relationship be both a teacher and a realm of love.

July 2008